


Blood stains

by Neonfurr



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Cutting, Good Boyfriend Magnus Bane, Hurt Alec, I'm Bad At Tagging, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Protective Magnus Bane, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Supportive Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 19:35:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15564933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neonfurr/pseuds/Neonfurr
Summary: He deserves this. For being a failure, for not protecting Izzy, for being a dirty, filthy man. He deserves all this pain and more. So much more.Magnus gets a call from Izzy saying Alec has been very distant since a mission gone wrong, and she's worried. Magnus goes to the institute to see what's wrong, only to find Alec in his room with self inflicted cuts all up his arm.





	Blood stains

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfic I have ever wrote and I know it's probably terrible but please don't hate! If you don't like it please tell me, in nice terms, what I can do to make it better. Sorry for all the mistakes I'm sure there's loads 

One centimeter to the right and Izzy wouldn't be alive. It was supposed to be a routine mission, only a small nest. Turns out, they were bombarded by demons, at least triple the number they were told they would be fighting. Normally, this wouldn't be an issue, the Light wood siblings were all extremely capable Shadowhunters, but when one got distracted, and failed to warn Izzy about the demon steadily creeping up behind her, well, it all went to hell. 

They had got Izzy back to the institute as quickly as possible. The medics swarmed around her so quickly that he couldn't see what was happening. A cacophony of screams and shouts and roars and accusations flooded his ears, causing his head to throb uncomfortably.

She would be fine, the medic told them after the longest 20 minuets of his life. If he weren't in company of powerful clave representative's, he would've sobbed with relief. The rest of the words the medic said were lost on him. He could see his brother nodding along, but the words didn't reach his ear.

"A few days bedrest and she'll be fine, just make sure she's comfy and make sure she doesn't move around too much, she'll aggravate her wound." The medic told them in a gruff voice, " you can visit her now if you would like." 

His brother was already pouring Into the room, wanting to check his sister was fine, but he stayed back. This was all his fault. A wave of guilt crashed over him, so strong it almost made him physically step back. She wouldn't want to see him. It was his fault she was in pain anyway, he should've been quicker, been better. She would hate him now surely, not to mention the sure scolding he would receive from Robert and Maryse. 

"I'm so sorry Iz" Alec whispered before running back to his room, leaving Jace to console his baby sister.

 

"Magnus I need your help." Izzy said as Magnus picked up the phone, twirling a raven black lock around her finger.  
"Ah, my darling Isabelle, how may I be of assistance?" Magnus asked.  
"It's Alec" Izzy stated simply. Suddenly the relaxed tone had vanished from Magnus' voice as he raised his voice, almost yelled, down the phone saying, "Alexander? Is he alright? Is he hurt?"  
If not for her concern for her brother, she may have laughed.  
"He hasn't spoke to me since I got injured on our last mission. Whenever I see him in the corridor's he always either walks the other way or walks right past me. I tried talking to him but I only got one word answers. He only comes out of his room to train and I'm worried about him." Izzy finished her explanation with a small noise of disappointment.

Magnus took a moment to consider all of this, why hadn't Alexander said anything to him? When Magnus asked how the mission had gone he had told him everything went well. He has lied to him, and Magnus wanted too know why.

"Ok Isabelle, I'll portal over in a few minutes and check everything is ok." He told her.  
"Thanks Magnus. If you find out what's going tell me, ok? Bye."  
Izzy hung up and Magnus quickly checked how he looked in the mirror. His hair was spiked liked normal, the tips a soft blue. He decided to keep his makeup minimal, a line of khol around his eyes, a little lip gloss and foundation. He began making a portal without even thinking about it, mussel memory kicking in, leaving him time to be equally worried and angry at his boyfriend.

As he strolled through the institute he wondered exactly why Alexander hadn't told him his sister had been hurt. He approached Alexanders door and knocked, deciding, even if he was insanely angry, he wouldn't get anything out of his boyfriend by barging into his room.

When no answer came, he tried again, saying, "Alexander, it's Magnus. Open the door." There was a small shuffling sound, confirming that he was in there.  
"Alec!" He called again, raising his voice louder and thumping harder. He was about to lean in to knock again when a disheveled Alec opened the door.  
"Magnus, please can we talk later?" Alec said, he almost sounded pleading. Confusion came upon Magnus but it didn't overtake his anger.  
"Alec," Magnus hissed, " why didn't you tell me Izzy got hurt? And why aren't you talking to her! She called me worried about you. Why are you ignoring her! She just got injured and what, you don't care?" Pain flashed in Alec's eyes at the last statement. He loved Izzy, more than anything. Seeing Magnus so angry made him shrink into himself slightly. He was ready to try apologize to Magnus, but he started walking toward as if to come into the room. Alecs face had only been visible, as he had been hiding his body and arms behind the door. He couldn't let Magnus in. He briefly remembered the state his room was in, bloody tissues scattered all over his bed, dried blood on the floor and desk, and a silver sharp razor on his bedside desk. He couldn't let Magnus in, couldn't let him see how weak he was. His arms looked terrible, a few open slashes were still steadily dripping blood, closed ones from the evening Izzy got hurt were placed along his shoulder. Dried blood made his pale arms look orange. He looked absolutely hideous. Magnus would be so disgusted, so without thinking he slammed the door shout, shouting at Magnus not to come in. Truth be told, Magnus was only stepping forward to place his hand on Alexanders face and just ask him why. When the door slammed on his face he was even more confused. Alec was never like this, and it scared him. 

"Alec what's wrong, darling?" He said, all anger in his voice dissipated. Screw not barging in, he thought, he reaches forward and pushed the door with force. He didn't know what he was expecting, instant access to the room, resistance from Alec, what he certainly wasn't expecting was a small gasp of pain from the other side of the door.

Why won't he just go? Alec thought as he heard Magnus sepeak again. He relaxed slightly and was ready to move back to the bed when the door jolted on its hinges, sending pain throughout the arm that was resting on it, open cuts being rugged and sealed cuts being reopened. A small gasp of pain left his lips as he grimaced.

Please, I hope Magnus didn't hear that, he pleaded to himself silently. Luck was not on his side however, as Alec heard Magnus resume his efforts, pleading for him to open the dam door.

"Magnus, please I'm fine. Just go, please." He said, his voice cracking at the end.

After a few minutes of silence he deemed Magnus had left, and walked back over to the bed, picking of his razor as he went. He held it just above his left wrist, going over all the reasons he was a failure in his head.

One cut.  
Lying to Magnus  
Another cut.  
Ignoring him.  
Another cut.  
Shutting the door on him.  
Another cut.  
Gasping in pain. 

He didn't have the right to vocalise his pain. He was being pathetic. Magnus thought so. He looked down to see blood trickling down his arm. Small drops formed as blood rose to the surface, dotting all around his skin. He reached back down, and with renewed anger at himself, slashed a line across his thigh. It went alot deeper than intended, taking around 10 seconds before any blood rose. He groaned, the pain flaring.

Magnus heard Alec move away from the door and decided to wait. Something must be really wrong for Alec to be acting this way. He loved Izzy, and he loved Magnus, he wouldn't ignore them and push them away unless something was really wrong. He stayed standing there, waiting to see if Alec was going to come out. Maybe in a few minutes he would knock again, calmer this time. In hindsight, yelling at him probably wasn't a good idea.

He waited. He would wait ages if he needed to. He was about to summon a chair to sit on when he heard a pained groan. What the hell? He thought. Ok, enough was enough. He yanked the door open and walked into the room.

Alec heard the door swing open and he panicked. Through instinct, he reaches around and pulled his spear seraph blade from under his pillow, holding it out Infront of him. When his eyes focused on who had marched into his room, he panicked even more. He thought Magnus was gone. He was going to see him with blood down his arms and thighs a d leave, thinking he was weak.

"Shit." Magnus heard himself mumble as he saw Alec. He sprinted forward a d grabbet a cluster of tissues from the desk, pressing them into Alec's arm. When he saw the deep gash on his thigh, he reached back over and grabbed more tissues to push down onto the blood.

"Alexander why did you do this?" He cried. He felt hot tears forming in his eyes as he thought that his boyfriend, the man he loved, felt like he had to hurt himself.

Alec had no idea how to answer his question. He was shocked Magnus was trying to stop his bleeding. He should've left by now. A new wave of grief came over him as he realised how much pain and trouble he was causing Magnus.

"I'm so sorry." He cried back, deciding he should at least apologize. And oh, how sorry he was. For all the trouble he was causing everyone.

"Why?" Magnus chocked. Seriously, his angle couldn't be apologizing could he? When Alec didn't sender he took a moment to properly survey Alec's arm. As far as he could tell, Izzy had been injured around a week ago, the oldest cut he could see, a small diagonal line, looked about that old. Like pieces fitting into a puzzle, he finally understood, but instead of marvelling over this, he walked around to the other side of the bed, and sat down next to him. 

He pulled Alec's head into his chest and, avoiding his arms, pulled him into a hug.

They needed to talk. They really needed to but right now Alec needed to feel safe, so he leant back and pulled Alec with him, not even caring that he was getting his favourite burgundy blazer wet with tears and stained with blood.

**Author's Note:**

> May do another chapter if anyone wants me to. Let me know :)


End file.
